Lately my life seems… loose. If I may use the term, worldly. I don’t feel as passionate about my King as I should, my devotion time is lacking and I just feel blah. When I think of a woman of virtue who is in love with her King I picture a lovely young woman, joyful, smiling and tidy as she ties a white ribbon into her dark hair and straightens her long flowing white dress. She the telltale sign of love in her eyes as she lifts her chin in confidence. She is refreshed, ready to face the world, and she is madly in love with Jesus.
I don’t feel that way. In my spiritual life I feel frumpy, unorganized and fat. Anyways, back to feeling loose. I don’t feel like I’m as calm, joyful and passionate about Christ as I should be. My words are not always encouraging. My thoughts are not always lovely and my actions are sometimes careless. I deeply desire to be a pure woman, full of virtue, filled to the brim with joy and a sacrificial heart. I desire to be my husband’s greatest asset and a mother who is wise. But greater than all that, more importantly, I desire with all my heart to be a vessel for Christ, ready to be poured out completely at any given moment.
I desire to live
Selflessly, not mine but Thine.
Boldly, I will stand alone in battle if need be.
Passionately, none captures my heart like Thee oh Lord.
“My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
1 Comment
This is beautiful and how I feel much of the time as well. I think it’s mirrored in our marriages, sometimes I am focused on my husband and his needs and desires, seeking to spend time with him and serve him. Other times he has to go looking for clean underwear and go out for lunch because I forgot to pack it. 🙁 Thankfully my husband is full of mercy and grace and how much more so our Lord. I wonder if we were always in the first position if we would lose the joy or desire to be with Him. I wonder if He allows the times in the desert so we never cease to search and seek for Him?